Simon Cowell Engaged?! Here's the Real Deal...

If nothing else, this at least gives us a little more time to learn how to pronounce Mezhgan. (Ah, that's better.)

Earlier today, British tabloids breathlessly reported that perpetual bachelor Simon Cowell was not only engaged to his American Idol makeup artist girlfriend, but was hankering to sire some little Simons.

Well, it looks like Cowell won't be trading in his muscle tees for a dad sweater just yet.

A source close to the professional dream-killer told E! News that, despite media speculation (aka a new rock boulder on Mezhgan Hussainy's finger), Cowell is definitively not fiancéed.

Besides, Cowell doesn't need a woman to make an honest man out of him. Just someone with a really bad voice.